SEVEN

Hello World.

So, I saw Dr. Joyce again yesterday.  We talked about all the walks I had taken with Riley and I told her everywhere we went and how well I handled all of it.  She was really proud of me so I decided to tell her that I talked to Riley about getting a job.  She looked a little wary of the idea and thought hard for a few moments before speaking again.  She repeated to me that she was really proud and that she is glad that I’m feeling so confident but she doesn’t think it’s such a good idea to be diving headfirst into a ‘shark infested sea’ as she called it.  I felt frustrated with her and I tried to explain that I feel like I’m ready and I know it doesn’t seem like a rational idea but I really think that I can do it.  She shut me down once again and that only made me angrier.  She started talking again but I had tuned her out at this point.  I was so angry at her for disagreeing with me about this.  I cut her off mid-sentence at one point and just yelled at her, “I don’t need to listen to you all the time!  I’m almost 21 years old and I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions!  I decide what is right for me in my life and I control what happens!”
Dr. Joyce stared at me, obviously quite shocked by my outburst.  Then her eyes widened and she scrambled for the tissue box on her desk.  I looked at her all confused but then she was pressing a tissue to my nose telling me I had a nosebleed.  She followed me to the bathroom where I cleaned up and after about 10 minutes my nose finally stopped bleeding.  Dr. Joyce called my mom to come and get me, and she told me that she’d like to see me again tomorrow after I’ve calmed down and thought things over.

Quite honestly I don’t feel like going back.  Lately I’ve been feeling that I just don’t need to see Dr. Joyce anymore.  I feel like I no longer have anything to gain by talking to her and listening to what she says, let alone obeying whatever she tells me to do.  I want to talk to Riley again.  I need to firstly tell him what happened and secondly, I need to ask him if he can help me get a job.  I need to get away from Dr. Joyce and my house, my prison.  I want to be free and I want to live my life the way it is meant to be lived.

I am not a timid little child anymore.

~Willow