THREE

Hello World.
I’m back from a long few days spent with the family.
That’s right, no therapy session to talk about today.  Dr. Joyce told me in our last session that she wanted me to spend a few days with my family, just to try and have a decent amount of ‘bonding’ time.

The trip was fun.  We went camping in the mountains. The drive was long but thankfully I was able to sleep most of the ride so I didn’t have to suffer hours of awkward thirty second conversations in intervals of thirty minutes.  When we got to the campground there weren’t too many people that I could see, which for me was great.  We picked a site and Riley and I pitched our tents while our parents put together their own.  Mom told us that we should explore a little and check out the camp grounds while she and dad set up everything to make dinner.  I think that she just wanted me to have a chance to scope out the place and become comfortable with it so we wouldn’t have another disaster vacation.  I would explain how nearly all of our family vacations have been ruined by me but it would take too long.  I suppose the long story short is my difficulty to feel remotely comfortable around a lot of people.  I can never go anywhere like Disney World because theme parks have just way too many people for me to handle.

Riley and I walked for a while before we came to a little creek.  There was a fallen tree that acted like a bridge to get us across safely and without having to soak our shoes.  We ran into someone else’s campsite but Riley was quick to drag me away.  I was a little angry at first but then he reminded me that I hadn’t taken my pills yet.  We walked back to the creek and sat on the fallen tree with our feet dangling into the icy water.  We talked about random things; mostly he talked about his job and how much he hated his boss.  He knows I like to laugh at his stories so I don’t ever mind that he’s the one always talking.  He actually asked me more about how things are going with me though.  I told him I feel trapped, and babied.  I want to try new things in the World so that I can finally experience the things that most people experience in their life at my age.  I mean, I’m 20 years old for fucks sake!  I think I deserve the ‘next step’ towards living life the way I should be!  Riley told me he was happy I felt that way.  He hadn’t ever seen me act like I really wanted to be a part of the World, so he was proud.  This made me really happy, and excited.

The rest of the camping trip was fun.  It was just like any other camping trip we ever had, except better.  I wasn’t ever uncomfortable at any point, even when people were driving past our site, and even when the sites next to ours became filled with other families.  Instead of being nervous and anxious about seeing other people I was interested in what they would do next.  I watched them minutes at a time every once in a while just to see how they acted towards one another and what they would do next.  Riley caught me a couple times and finally asked me what I was doing.  I think he thought that I was having more ‘fantasies’ but I tried my best to explain to him what I was really doing without making it seem like I was acting hostile towards the families.  Mom and dad seemed uneasy about trusting what I was saying but Riley trusted me and convinced them that it was no big deal.  I can’t wait to talk to Dr. Joyce again! 

Tomorrow seems so far away!

~Willow